Hello there people of the interweb, I wanted to talk with someone close to me , to someone close to my heart , I searched that person in all of my friends , in all the people I knew I wanted to share something deep and personal . Unfortunately I found none , no shoulder to lay my head upon , I was once an lunatic .. I ran from what I felt and I managed to carry that on for some time . Today though I felt like I was kneeling in front of my heart and my feelings , I can't and don't want to talk with just anybody about this .
So I did the only thing that I knew it would somehow help me, I just opened a new tab , logged in and ...found another way to run from humanity.. It's silly and pitiful but I need to take this weight down from my chest .
I loved a girl once , I was young and stupid, I couldn't believe that someone would love me back, but she did . She has a special place in my heart , although I tried to find another girl in which to bury my soul , I couldn't find the right one. I am feeding with feelings , I consumed a dozen girls and none satisfied my thirst for what I was feeling back then in her arms , kissing like there will be no tomorrow , knowing that she is mine and I am hers .
My friends.. love is not only blind and stupid .. love is fucking retarded , I am trying to man the fuck up for about 8 hours and I am still not able to comprehend the fact that almost all the girls I knew once, have a happy life and they are carrying on with it like I wasn't even there .
A part of me is laughing like a devil in the fires of Hell , a part of me takes pleasure from this , the other part is tormented by former sweet memories turned in sour patches for my souls wounds .
I don't know what is worse to be loved and not give a damn or to give a damn and not be loved.
This..this state of mind.. what I am feeling now , will hunt me forever , deep inside of me , I will not be able to rest until I find that girl, to rest my head to her chest and feel hear heart beating . To feel her living next to me ...
Sorry if I bored you.. I don't even know why I am apologizing , nobody reads this .. but in the case you had the chance to read this : Thank you.. tonight you were my closest friends .
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